WikiLeaks

• The introduction related wikileaks to the everyday life of the reader
• Had a clear objective but was not overly structured

Torture

• I wasn't bored while reading this paper
• Used the definition to support their point but didn't say it out front

Women

• Use many specifics and statistics
• Used a ton of credible sources  

My Paper

• Make a more capturing intro
• Don't be so obvious that this is a definition paper
• Make it touch the readers lives
• Clear up shady points
• Bring in more points to support my claim  

Teen Mom

I am evaluating "Teen Mom" as having a bad impact on teenage viewers:
1. Girls are willing to get pregnant just to get an audition for the show.
2. It glamorizes teen pregnancy by making the teen mom’s famous.
3.It makes abusive and corrupt relationships seem normal

Teen Mom

"Live Dr Jays." Is MTV's Hit Show Teen Mom Encouraging Teen Pregnancy?. DrJays.com Inc., 12/27/2010. Web. 1 Aug 2011. <http://live.drjays.com/index.php/2010/12/27/is-mtvs-hit-show-teen-mom-encouraging-teen-pregnancy/>.

o   This website claims that girls are willing to get pregnant in trade for an audition for “16 & Pregnant” and “Teen Mom”. They relate this to the crazy things people will be will to do on national tv to be on “Jersey Shore”, “Real World”, or “American Idol”.  I plan to use this point because that it a completely awful reason to get pregnant. This could lead to regrets from the mother if they do not get the role. The baby would then be scared because they were only born to make their mother money.

Cassidy, Bailey. "MTV's reality shows glamorize aspects of teenage pregnancies." The Paly Voice. The Voice, 03/17/2011. Web. 1 Aug 2011. <http://voice.paly.net/node/26681>.

o   The author of this article clearly states an issue I have been concerned about since the start of “Teen Mom”. They explain how putting these teen mothers on tv makes them up to be stars and role models. Viewers of the show finding themselves wanting to be like them. They think how maybe they could become richer and popular if they too had a baby. This website backs this claim up by the fact that three of the one mom’s friends are now pregnant since she has been on the show.

Swertlow, Meg. "'Teen Mom' Recap: Amber & Gary Fight." Insider. CBS Studios Inc., 07/13/2011. Web. 1 Aug 2011. <http://www.theinsider.com/screen/42646_Recap_Tensions_Flare_and_Insults_Hurled_with_Amber_Gary_on_Teen_Mom/>.

o   Teen Mom is full of relationships gone wrong. Whether it is between parent of the teen mom and the teen mom or between the two new teen parents, there is always something.  This website talks about just one of the many harmful relationships in “Teen Mom”. I plan on using this website and a few others to prove my point.

Lady Gaga

Camille Paglia argues how Lady Gaga is bad news in "What's Sex Got to do with it?" She claims that Lady Gaga  puts herself out there as having it rough while growing up and then making it big. However, Paglia points out that Gaga had a normal childhood and even went to the same school as Paris Hilton. Paglia also calls Gaga out on being a copycat. She then continues on an endless list of people who Gaga is modeling herself after. Finally Paglia says that Gaga is not sexy but more of a hot mess. She explains how she wears fish nets and high heels to the gym and wears make up that looks fake. Paglia uses ethos to gain her readers trust by making Lady Gaga look like the enemy and the lair. Paglia really delivers her argument by pointing a broad spectrum of other stars, that reader will most like admire, that Gaga is copying. This

Cultural Interests

Teen Mom
Teen Mom is a show on MTV about teenage parents. Although I think this show is beyond entertaining and interesting, it definitely has a negative impact. Before seeing this show, I would have thought the idea someone being a mother at sixteen is outrageous. However, now it almost seems normal. I feel that this show only encourages teenage pregnancy by showing the lives of so many pregnant girls. Teen Mom also seems to the view believe that marriage, divorce,  and even domestic abuse part of ever teenager's life. By doing this they are only making the problem worse.

Facebook
I think Facebook is a great invention and is a huge central interest among our culture. It allows much more communication, which leads to more social people. Friends can easily talk without having to exchange any kind of information. Anyone can look up an old friend or family member or stay connected with a new one in the future. My favorite part of Facebook is that even though I'm in college, I can still keep up with my old high school friends. Quite honestly without Facebook, I probably would have cried my eyes out at graduation.

Smart Phones
Last March I got my very first smart phone, the Droid Incredible. My life has never been the same. I think smart phones have had a great impact overall. It is a powering feeling to have the knowledge of the entire interest in the palm of your hands. Some people may argue that most smart phones are too complicated or fancy but it just as simple to operate as a computer. Others may say that it is not worth it because of the monthly cost but my Droid has already saved my butt many times. I found it most helpful my first day of college. I had my schedule pulled up as I walked to my first class because I forgot to print it out. I then searched a map of the campus so I could figure out where my building was. I got to my class 15 minutes early so I passed the time by checking my Facebook.

Peer Review

Overall my peer review was extremely helpful. The main issue with my paper was that it was a little dry and boring. However, my partner was Jenna and we know from her dinner blog post that she can make writing sound more interesting than it actually is. She showed me where I should add some more description and details to make the reader seem like he/she was there. I took all of her advise and my paper is much more lively now! She also help me with a few awkward sentences and giving suggestions on how to rewrite it rather than just saying to change it. I was also glad to see that she understood the point of my story by reading. I was not sure if an outside reader would pick it up at first. I feel much more confident in my paper after Wednesday's peer review. 

Dinner

Last night I ate dinner at Charlie's Cheese Steaks. My boyfriend and I eat dinner every time I have to work after school, which is at least twice a week, because I work in the mall. We always split a cheese steak, fries and a cherry Pepsi. The fries were not as crispy as usual yesterday which made me sad.There is usually only one or two other customers in the restaurant. The same old lady always takes our order. Yesterday I had to eat fast because the bus to take us from campus to our car was slow, so I was running late. As we ate we watched some cops show because that's what the old lady turned on. It smells pretty good in there because they basically just make cheese steaks. Its also quite quiet because that end of the mall is never busy because its just beside the wine store and the eye glasses place.