Peer Review

Overall my peer review was extremely helpful. The main issue with my paper was that it was a little dry and boring. However, my partner was Jenna and we know from her dinner blog post that she can make writing sound more interesting than it actually is. She showed me where I should add some more description and details to make the reader seem like he/she was there. I took all of her advise and my paper is much more lively now! She also help me with a few awkward sentences and giving suggestions on how to rewrite it rather than just saying to change it. I was also glad to see that she understood the point of my story by reading. I was not sure if an outside reader would pick it up at first. I feel much more confident in my paper after Wednesday's peer review. 

Dinner

Last night I ate dinner at Charlie's Cheese Steaks. My boyfriend and I eat dinner every time I have to work after school, which is at least twice a week, because I work in the mall. We always split a cheese steak, fries and a cherry Pepsi. The fries were not as crispy as usual yesterday which made me sad.There is usually only one or two other customers in the restaurant. The same old lady always takes our order. Yesterday I had to eat fast because the bus to take us from campus to our car was slow, so I was running late. As we ate we watched some cops show because that's what the old lady turned on. It smells pretty good in there because they basically just make cheese steaks. Its also quite quiet because that end of the mall is never busy because its just beside the wine store and the eye glasses place.

The Dam

I love the dam. It is my favorite place to relax, think and just have fun. I've been fishing as long as I've been big enough to hold a fishing pole. I don't even know why I like or how its fun but fishing is one of my favorite things to do. Even though I always use my pink fishing pole, I'm not afraid to bait my hook or set a fish loose. I also love to go on walks through the woods at the dam. They are so peaceful and quiet. Anytime I am upset or sad, my boyfriend and I drive to the dam. We would go to the beach if it was close enough, but for now the dam will do. The sunset is beautiful and the crashing waves make me smile. I am convinced that the dam brings out the best in everyone. Sometimes we take my yorkie to the dam. He even lets loose by jumping in the water and rolling in the dirt. I love the dam so dam much.

Narrative Reading Response

1. These narrative essays were much different than any other essay that I have ever written. The were not based on hard facts. They were also really personal. I have never had to write an essay discussing myself. Although the tone was much more laid back, they were still written very well. The structure was also very different because the introduction did not map out exactly what was going to be said in the essay. It keep the reader wondering. These essays also went in order of how they happened and did not include points but rather events. All in all these narrative essays were much more interesting to read.


2. I think the audience of "I Kept Playing- The Costs of My Gaming Addiction" is someone else who could potentially have the same issue the author did. I think the purpose of the essay is to convince others with the same problem that they need to overcome and how they can.

Back to the Beginning

The first time I went skiing I was about six years old. My whole family, even my dog Nick, drove up to the mountain with me to see my first run down the slope. We were running a little late for my first lesson. As soon as we pulled into the Tussey Mountain parking lot I was pulled right out of my sit and carried over to the slopes. My dad popped me in my hand-me-down skis and off I went down the bunny slope. I was never really given the choice to ski. I never thought about if it would be scary or fun. I was just born into it. As the seasons passed, I became a pretty good skier. I would go to the mountain every Friday with my older brothers and their friends. I never had trouble keeping up. None of my friends skied in elementary school. However, when I got to middle school I made tons of friends in ski club that shared my interest. I started going to the mountain more often. I got more confident with my skills and would try any slope. My friends and I would travel out of town to bigger ski resorts with more challenging trails. Because of this I answered yes with no hesitation to a trip to Holiday Valley with my best friend. We were in eleventh grade and were quite honestly pretty cocky with our skiing abilities. We arrived at our hotel Friday night, dropped off our belongings and headed right for the slopes. We skied till the mountain closed and went right to bed at the hotel so we were rested for the next day. The trip was going awesome to say the least. We had gone down our first double black diamond and went over all sorts of jumps. It was beginning to get late but we wanted to get as many slopes in as possible before our trip was over. I can still hear the Taylor Swift song playing from my ipod and the sound of the ice carving as I came to a series of jumps. I began going over them carelessly until I realized I was starting to go a little too fast. I then tried to slow myself down but instead twisted my left ski out, getting it caught in the snow. This brought me down hard and fast in the worst position. I screamed for help for what seemed like forever. The rest of the trip was all a blur. I was eventually helped down the rest of the mountain by ski patrol and then take straight home and to the hospital. After weeks of waiting for the MRI results it turned out I tore my ACL. I then got surgery that June to fix it. It took nearly an entire year to get back to normal. I have only gone skiing one time since the accident. Although I was relearning just as I had that first day my whole family took me, I was much more hesitant. It was much scarier knowing what could result.

The Faces of Justice

No I am not referring to police officers or judges when I say the faces of justice. I am talking about all the new and usual people I see at Justice. Justice is a store at the mall for young girls that I work at. The people I have met while working there are shocking. They range from tall manly women to short girly men to the overly friendly grammys to the angry coupon clipper soccer mom. The girls are quite strange as well. They're abnormally annoying and snotty beyond reason. Often they drag in their poor younger brothers who just want to get home to hang out with their friends. Even the fathers don't want to come in as they stand at the front of the store peeking to find their women. I've yet to met anyone in Justice who I have previously known. It's a store of interesting people to say the least.

Peer Review

All in all I didn't really find this peer review as helpful as the last. It was hard only getting opinions from one person. There was no one there to assure me that the changes were good or if they weren't a good idea because there was no open discussion. I also feel as though I only got feed back about my actual argument than rather how my paper was written. However, it was definitely easier to communicate with each because it was just one on one. I feel as though I did get a few helpful tips when I explained where I thought my paper could use work. Together we thought of some new ideas to make my conclusion longer and more interesting.

Mextrosexual

1.      1. The author defines metrosexual as when a person fits all of the gays stereotypes but is not into guys. Hackbarth argues that because of this it makes it harder for gay men and straight women to figure out the orientation of men. He describes how it seems as more straight men are into to hair and clothes.

2.    2.   Hackbarth explains how this new type of person is evolving. She makes this clear by explaining the different type of people metrosexuals. She explains of how they cry at the end of movies and care too much about their hair.

3.     3.  I was particularly persuaded by the humored used by the author. She used specific examples about the qualities about metrosexuals.

Definition Paper

Euthanasia is murder

-Murder is...
1) Killing someone
2)Devastating
3)On purpose 

Peer Review

             I found the peer review to be very helpful by having others help point out parts of my paper that made sense in my head but did not quite work out in my paper. It also helped me figure out better ways to organize my paper and put like points together. During the peer review, others also brought some of my strange sentences to my attention where I might not have completely finished my point or just it just didn’t sound as good as it could. Sometimes as I write I do not realize a sentence sounds awkward and then I skip over it in proof reading because I understand what I meant. Most of the feedback I received made a lot of sense once the ideas were brought up. It helped having a couple different people listening to the feedback in case it was wrong.

                After peer review I applied many suggestions to my paper. For example I changed my introduction from forwardly disagreeing with Cringely to just explaining his stance and pointing out the flaws in his argument. I also took out a quote from one paragraph that seemed out of place once it was brought to my attention. I then changed many of my awkward sentences. For example I changed “Facebook is becoming less private because that is what the social norm is becoming” to “Facebook is becoming less private to keep up with social norms”.

                I really feel like I am becoming better at proof reading my papers and others papers. I now know not to focus so much on little things before I get the main points of my paper organized. For example, I know not to worry about commas before if my argument doesn’t make sense.

Rebuttal Article

"Facebook Puts Your Privacy on Parade" Robert X. Cringely

Nanobot Argument

1.       Smalley believes that nanobots are potentially dangerous because they could reproduce uncontrollably. He also thinks they are impossible due to two issues which he calls “fat fingers” and “sticky fingers”.  However Drexler does not think nanobots could be this dangerous and does not believe they are impossible to make.

2.       There are a few things at stake in this argument. First both of these men want to gain followers of their and opinions and maintain the ones they have. Secondly neither Smalley nor Drexler want to be proved wrong and look like they are not as knowledgeable on nanobots. 

3.       One strategy used by Smalley and Drexler is they both acknowledge the areas they agree upon. This makes them look more creditable.  They both also use many specific facts and studies. Smalley particularly does this when he uses actual numbers when explaining how fast the nanobots could reproduce.

4.       Smalley and Drexler both directly attack the others point. They explain what is wrong with the other’s reasoning and why theirs is right. For this particular topic it is better that they made counterarguments  instead of refutation.

5.       One way Smalley and Drexler build there ethos is they both acknowledge the areas they agree upon. This makes them look more creditable.  They both also use many specific facts and studies. Smalley particularly does this when he uses actual numbers when explaining how fast the nanobots could reproduce.

6.       Smalley use a fallacy by saying “I see you have now walked out of the room where I had led you to talk about real chemistry…” This is a fallacy because Smalley does not even continue to prove how Drexler is not talk about “real chemistry”. However, Drexler also used a fallacy by stating “Endorsing calls for an independent scientific review of molecular manufacturing concepts would be constructive.” This statement was irrelevant to proving his point and was not backed up by any reasoning.

7.       I think Smalley’s side was more convincing because his points and arguments were clearer. Drexler never really said how he knew the nanobots would not reproduce infinitely but just how Smalley was only trying to scare the public.